I’m not a bitch. Anxiety is!
If you see me and I have a bitch face on, try and understand that I’m not a bitch… anxiety is!!
One day I’ll be fine and the next I’ll wanna hide, not leave the house or make contact with anyone… so if I ever come across as rude please try and understand! Let me explain.
Sometimes I ‘check out’ mentally and it’s super annoying cuz I want to be a part of the conversation but I can’t focus enough to join in. I can see you talking but can’t even hear the words you’re saying. My anxiety is causing my mind to race a mile a min. It feels like the room is closing in on me. I’m over-thinking about how overwhelming this is and jumping to conclusions about what you’re thinking about me. I’m probably intimidated by how confident you seem and I’m wishing i could be so comfortable. 😕 How nice it must be for this all to come so naturally for you. How nice it must be to not have anxiety.
What Anxiety Feels Like
When I don’t come across as rude I can come across as an awkward 🤦♀️ babbling idiot that cuts people off when they’re talking. Not because I don’t care what you’re saying, it’s cuz I’m so anxious I can’t shut the erf up! Anxiety is something awful!
I’m usually fiddling with something in my hands. This way I have something else to focus on in order to distract me… not from you, but from me. Now does it makes sense why i just choose to stay home, a lot;) the mind is such a powerful thing, and your thoughts and feelings are literally everything about you.
I also have a tendency to cancel plans if I’m having a bad day. It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I do, but the thought of going to a social event drains me.
Sometimes I’d honestly rather be known as a mean girl, than have to explain my anxiety.
I have plenty of good days too, where I’m ‘normal’ish lol 😂 it’s not all bad! But January is probably the worst me. The high I get off Christmas season is gone and only the bills are left. Outside is so gloomy and cold- if you spend more than 5 min out there you risk literally freezing your face off. By the end of January I’ve usually hit a real low:(
My anxiety and depression surfaced in my teens and I’m not comfortable getting into details yet, but it took a good 10 years to recover and it’s still a struggle. Anxiety isn’t something that just goes away. It creeps up on you throughout your life. You always have to be on guard.
Talking about my anxiety doesn’t really help me much to be honest. And most days I seem fine and even convince myself and others I am but I struggle. February will be better. Spring is always a better time and I feel a major shift in my mental health:) how about you?? January can suck it!!
I’ve discovered a few things that help me get through the tough times. Obviously talk to your doc before taking any medication or vitamins… I’m no doctor!!
Vitamin d- my doctor has told me that there’s a link between low vitamin d levels and increased anxiety and depression, which makes sense cuz January I get the least sunshine ☀️. So I started taking vitamin d supplements and I’ve noticed a little impact on my mood;)
Vitamin b complex! I had blood work reveal i was deficient in some of the b vitamins which was part of the reason why I was feeling so down and crappy! Started taking a b complex and it is helping my anxiety a little:)
Self care:) this has the greatest short term effect! A little retail therapy, a box of chocolate covered cherries or dinner and a movie with friends all helps me so much! Sometimes I go a little overboard and eat an entire tub of ice cream or spend $400 at atlas divine and almost immediately regret my decisions… Also, some physical exercise and meditation are great! Oh and sleep. Good sleeping habits are life changing when it comes to your mental health- anxiety and depression.
Buuuuuut even with the vitamins and self care I still have ups and downs so I take prescription medication to reduce my anxiety. I have on and off since my teens. Don’t be afraid to get help. There’s a stigma around mental illness. We fear people will think we are weird or violent if we come out with our anxiety or depression. Don’t let those fears stop you from getting better!
If you have anxiety, depression, ptsd, bi polar or any mental health issues follow along and know you’re not alone:) I’m over here suffering too!
Every follow/subscribe 👇 makes me a little happier 😊