The Parts Of Motherhood We Don’t Talk About
Motherhood is great, but we all know that. Their squishy little faces, sticky hugs and a love you’ve never experienced before is what we all talk about on social media. But motherhood is also freaking frustrating, repetitive, boring, exhausting, hard and we do it all without much thanks! And you have to do it all again tomorrow and the next day… I’m tired and some days losing my mind, but I’m still a good mom!
If you’ve got a toddler or small child or even a teenager… basically any little person you’re responsible for, there will be many days where you have to clean up after them only to have them talk back to you and then keep you up half the night. Babies wake up in the night. Teens stay out past curfew or keep you up at night because you’re worried about them! Being a mom is can be friggen hard at any age. Now, some people have perfect ‘angel’ kids. This post isn’t for you. It’s for the moms who want to pull their hair out or go for an extra long drive once daddy gets home just to get a few minutes of freedom and peace.
You’re A Good Mom
If you’re a good mom, you’ve probably felt a little (or a lot of) mom guilt. You see, bad moms usually don’t feel guilty. So that right there, should be enough to stop you from feeling like a bad mom, but then…
You’re going about your day – maybe a few minutes late, probably wearing odd socks, and definitely a pile of clean laundry from yesterday that still needs to be folded and eventually put away… If you’re lucky. But, you made it to school before the bell and managed to pack both a fruit and vegetable in your kid’s lunch that they probably won’t even eat. You’re feeling alright. Until…
Becky KnowsItAll posts on Facebook – a link to an article about the dangers of too much screen time, along with a perfect photo of her and her daughter baking 84 decadent cupcakes for the school bake sale. And you wonder, where are all the egg shells, splattered batter and tears from your child because you wouldn’t let her crack the eggs? I mean, isn’t that what baking with a five year old is supposed to look like? And wait, bake sale… Oh Sh#t is that tomorrow? So you rip your daughter away from her Ipad and head to the grocery store to pick up some cupcakes. And there it is – mom guilt because your kid spends so much time on that iPad and you forgot the f’n bake sale.
Mom guilt happens to most mothers at some point, sparked by bake sales and birthday parties, and fuelled by the Becky’s of Facebook who can’t seem to bake a damn cookie without posting about it all over social media.
Maybe they do it to rub it in your face. Or maybe they are kinda sad and insecure, so they do it to make themselves feel better.
Things That Make You Feel Like A Bad Mom
Screen Time. Does my kid spend too much time behind a screen? Some days, maybe! Other days, not enough to keep me sane! It’s all about balance. But for real, I do try and limit to a couple of hours on days off and do other things together:)
Food. How many days in a row is too many for pizza pops and cheese string dinners? I’m asking for a friend…
Do those veggie pouches count as one or two servings of fruit and veggies? Speaking of veggies, when was the last time my kid ate an actual vegetable? Some days she will eat a whole bowl of peas and other days won’t eat anything but fish crackers and popsicles… again with the balance.
Working. How much time am I taking away from my child by working. I work from home, and it’s a constant struggle between wanting to get more work done, and needing to entertain my child. Doing both perfectly, isn’t an option.
Taking A Break. When was the last time I took a little ‘me time’? It has been a while because taking a break means ignoring the fact that I have a zillion other things to do. Then I feel guilty for not doing the things and overwhelmed because I have so much to do after I’ve ‘relaxed’.
Just Not Feeling It. Some days, you just don’t feel like playing Barbies or making crafts. That doesn’t mean you aren’t a good mom! Some days, you just want to lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes so you can enjoy a piece of cheesecake and a few moments to yourself.
Your Body. That squish is the reason you have your baby. Some women bounce back instantly, others take a few years. And many never do! And some women would give anything to have a body that can hold a baby!
Social Media. Growing up, we didn’t have social media (thank you 90s). My mom didn’t have anyone to compare us to, other than her close friends and family. We all had the same lifestyle. I grew up happy and healthy. No one questioned how much time I spent watching cartoons or what was in that box of cereal.
It was a lot easier to ignore BeckyKnowsItAll back then!
Your Lifestyle. Not having a perfect house and not being able to give your kid every, little thing can give you some mom guilt. Social media doesn’t help! Those Youtube kids, open up box after box of toys. They open them up, just to reveal it and open another. They also get Cadillac Power Wheels and trips to Disney for Christmas. So, when your kid looks up at you and asks why they didn’t get a Cadillac or trip to Disney for Christmas, you can’t help but feel guilty.
How To Quit Feeling So Guilty
First things first, put Becky and every other annoyingly ‘perfect mom’ on social media mute. You don’t have to de-friend her. Just unfollow her, so you don’t see her notifications every… single… day.
Remind yourself that you bake cupcakes, host birthday parties and play Santa. You’re not just a good mom, you’re a great mom!
Embrace the days you do have it all together.
Take a break. I know this might trigger mom guilt, but in the end you’ll feel like a better you and therefore a better mom! Even if it’s just a bubble bath… alone!
Maybe you do have a perfect home, and kids that never fight, and you’re never late. Maybe you have abs and a Cadillac. That doesn’t make you a bad person. But, I have a bit of squish and a drive a Chevy. I like cheesecake and sleep… and I’m usually late. Should I feel bad about that?
No one tells you that motherhood is so damn hard, but you’ll probably be harder on yourself. You’ll probably feel exhausted and overwhelmed for about the next 18 years. We go into it blindly, thinking it’s this beautiful, natural thing. So when we struggle- financially, mentally, physically, we hide it because it’s not how we are supposed to feel. Motherhood is great and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but there is a price. And that price is your freedom, finances, sleep, and sometimes sanity. It’s giving up so much of yourself, that you don’t even feel like ‘you’ any more. But, other days not even wanting to give a bite of your Kit Kat- so you hide in the damn washroom to finish it. Those days I’m feeling like a bad mom.
It’s momming so hard all day long, that as soon as the kids fall asleep you bust out a tub of Ben and Jerry’s triple chocolate ice cream and a bag of Cheetos and enjoy those precious, quiet moments. It’s in those moments that you get a glimpse of who you are, and it’s a little scary because who you are now is passed out on the couch by 9 p.m. with her hand in a bag of Cheetos.
So just in case no one told you lately, you’re a good mom… no you’re a great mom!