Signs Of An Unhealthy Codependent Relationship
It’s natural and even mentally healthy to depend on your partner for some things when you’re in a relationship. But there is a fine line between healthy boundaries and codependency. What is a codependent relationship? What are the signs of a codependent relationship? For example, if one of you lose sight of who you are, in order to please only the other person, the relationship can become very unhealthy. This is when a relationship can become toxic and extremely hard to break free from.
I’ve had my fair share of bad relationship experiences, and when you’re in a codependent relationship it can take a long, long time to finally end it.
When you’re in a codependent relationship, you become consumed with serving your partner- so much so, that you don’t even realize what you’re doing to yourself!
When you’re in a codependent relationship, it can be hard to see that it’s not healthy. You begin to lose your sense of identity, and suffer mentally, emotionally and physically for the sake of your partner. You aren’t happy unless your partner is happy.
This type of relationship is common among empaths and narcissists. The empath is all too willing to sacrifice their own happiness for the narcissist, who is eager to receive their sacrifices.
“Codependency” is defined as an unhealthy relationship where partners are overly reliant on one another. As a result, a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem-solving develops between the two.
Signs Of A Codependent Relationship
13 Relationship Questions To Ask!
Answer these questions to find out if you might be involved in a codependent relationship:
1. Are you afraid to express your true feelings to your partner? If you notice you often hold in your feelings for fear of how your partner will react, that’s a sign the relationship is not as healthy as it could be.
2. If you do express how you’re feeling, do you then feel guilty?Perhaps you think “I shouldn’t have said anything… it just made matters worse” after you’re open with your partner.
3. Do you spend a lot of your free time trying to do everything for your partner? If you’re completing so many tasks for your loved one that could easily be done by them, you might be caught up in a dysfunctional, codependent relationship.These chores are done at the expense of your own life.
4. Are you afraid to ask for your partner’s help?If you can’t ask your partner for help, it can be very frustrating. In a healthy relationship, partners freely and regularly ask for a hand when needed.
5. When you do ask for help, how does your partner react? Hopefully, your partner is open and willing to help you out whenever you ask. However, if you’re codependent, you might not feel comfortable with asking or with your partner’s response.
6. Do you find yourself feeling hurt or angry because your partner doesn’t seem to notice your needs? Although you try to take care of everything, you’re disappointed that your partner does not spontaneously see what’s going on with you. You wait and wait for your partner to recognize your needs but they rarely do.
7. Do you believe you can’t have a friendship independent of your relationship? Because you’re busy doing chores and errands for your partner and he’s rarely satisfied with how you do them, you don’t have time to maintain your own friendships.
8. Do you have hobbies and activities you enjoy away from your partner? To maintain a healthy individual identity, it’s important to cultivate your own hobbies and interests, apart from the relationship. If you don’t, it could be a sign of codependency.
9. Do you try to control things to make yourself feel better? Because you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, you don’t want to upset your partner. Therefore, you take steps to control the situations you can.
10. Would you describe your partner as needy, emotionally distant, or unreliable? These qualities often draw in partners who are seen as “caretakers.” Thus, the codependency begins.
11. Do you have a perfectionistic streak and try to get things exactly right? After all, if you get things perfect, then maybe your partner will be happier, more satisfied, and less angry, disappointed, or annoyed with you. If you feel this way, your relationship is probably codependent.
12. Do you trust your partner? If so, maybe your relationship is not codependent. If you wonder what your partner’s doing or suspect they’re not telling you the truth about something, there could be codependency in your relationship. On the other hand, there may be just some trust issues you might want to resolve.
13. How is your health as it relates to stress? Often, people involved in codependent relationships experience health issues that might be related to stress like asthma, allergies, out-of-control eating, chest pain, and skin disorders. Of course, if you experience any of these symptoms, it’s wise to see your doctor.
The good news is that if you believe you’re in a codependent relationship, you can begin altering your behavior right away to gain back a healthy sense of individuality.
Use these questions as a guide to develop emotional expressions in a healthy, loving relationship. If you feel you need help, seek out a professional trained in helping those with codependency. You’ll feel better and your relationship will be stronger when you can relate to each other in more positive ways. And some relationships will never be healthy, if one person or both people are being emotionally, mentally, or physically hurt.
Download this free Codependency Worksheet for even more insight into your relationship: